I want to kick this off by saying thank you to Pieke, otherwise known as PhotoandGrime. She is the inspiration for this blog and I encourage you to go show her some love and support. If you want to know about her story, you can check out photoandgrime.com. :D
I consider myself quite lucky to have the name "Mitch" as it works in both instances. I don't think this was planned by my parents but I think it's awesome and really calms me down. People won't always see the name 'Mitch' and think "Oh okay that's a boy then". Because it's not that far fetched of it fitting both genders. This only became apparent to me recently when I started discovering more about myself.
The only thing keeping me from saying "yes I am transgender" was the fear of the hate. People usually associate 'transgender' with someone mentally unstable. Or maybe some psychopathic teen trying to be unique or stand out from the crowd or some crap but the truth is that it's who you are. And if you're being mistaken for something that you're not, it can really have an impact on your mental state. The feeling of being trapped by gender has driven me to several suicide attempts over the years. It's something you're usually told is not changeable. "You get what you're given. Embrace it, don't change it". It's false. We're in a day and age now where people shouldn't be discriminated for what they want to be. Are we not trying to escape from this? Do we not want to live in harmony with each other and not argue about the little things? Should we not be helping each other as apposed to throwing stupid insults around?
I'd like to point out, this also explains everything people have judged about me. "Why do you keep your nails long? Why do you keep your hair long? Why do you always choose the colour pink? Why are you such a wimp? Why do you wear a bra? Why are you so skinny? Why do you avoid all human contact? Why do you not like talking? Why are you so quiet? Why are all of your social media accounts set to female? Why do you like to sit down to pee? Why do you feel inclined to shave your whole body? Why do you appear to have a girl's mannerisms? Why do you not man-spread? Why do you stick your arse out so much?" Well hopefully all of your 'kind' queries have been somewhat put to rest. You horrible bullies.
One of my issues is actually my brother. He's very judgemental and has disrespected my autism several times, made slight references to me being a strange/weird human being, or other cruel things of the sort. I don't think he quite understands it, but I've heard him make fun of me with his friends behind my back. Almost putting me down a level or two just to make himself seem cooler. This has been an issue for a long time and I've always hated the idea of Ross tagging along with me and Mum when we go out for a trip or whatever. I've always had the fear of strangers or by-passers on the street thinking "Ah how sweet. A mother and her two sons on a family outing". Yes, I know it sounds stupid. Yeah, you can't change people's thoughts. But it's a thought that haunts me. I've tried fitting in. I've tried just accepting gender as a constant variable, but it just drives me to severe depression. Clearly, not the solution.
So which pronoun do I prefer?
At the moment, I prefer "she", but it's a fear of public judgement more than anything. Therefore I accept anything. I like to put folded socks inside my bra to make it look less flat. As I touched on earlier, I've also gotten into the habit of sticking my arse outwards to appear more feminine. Which actually hurts my back but I don't care.
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