My Gender Story - Day 4: Always a Family

September 28, 2018

I did touch on this in a previous post but I figured I'd go more in depth.

 

The first post I did on here, where I initially came out as transgender, caught the attention of my younger brother, Ross Jones. I mentioned how I felt about him and what I thought his opinions were of me.

Well he sent me a message on Skype later that day confirming that he didn't hate me for my autism or being transgender, and recently he started finding it quite inspirational. Ross is a tricky one and has lied a lot in the past, but he wrote me an 829 word reply, and ended it with "have a good sandwich". Gotta love autocorrect.

 

Ross' reply seemed true and he'd clearly spent a while typing it out. And I appreciate that. I won't quote the entire message because I don't like invading people's privacy. (Besides, I don't think Ross wants his friends to be able see his soft side just yet!) But in simple terms, he went over how I got him into most of the things he likes now. Such as computers, music, editing, etc. He even goes as far as to say that he probably wouldn't have even thought he likes even half of that stuff if I didn't show him what you can do with a bit of software and a strong computer. I didn't really go out of my way to teach him anything, truth be told. I just live my life and he observes. If he likes the look of something, he'll join in and sometimes ask me for tips and tricks. Which is always fun to have someone get excited over the same nerdy stuff I do haha!

 

Over my life I've had mixed feelings about Ross. Sometimes he's great, sometimes he's a bit of a douche. (Oh, douche is such a fun word to say!) I do love Ross overall. He can be annoying at times and I have difficulty controlling emotions. So I think he's learnt to be careful around me because if I get pushed too far, I can cross the line sometimes and take revenge way too far. Luckily this has somewhat stopped now.

 

A lot of people I've spoken to about gender complications say that it's really not a big a deal as some people might think. Not being a specific gender is becoming a very popular thing. And it's not one of those wretched 'memes' where everybody uses the words ironically. "I'm a good little non-binary boy" and other crap like that. This is why the whole "fidget spinner" craze annoyed me. I was already using them because I needed them because I'm genuinely autistic but it suddenly looked like I was some kind of sheep. I hate the internet sometimes.


I think my Mum has been accepting things like that for a while. I always got THOROUGHLY pissed off if anyone dared to address me by my sex. So this probably planted the seed a long time ago. (I must admit, some of those past reactions were fully planned out so that I could get to this kind of point where I am just accepted as a girl in most places) Actually, that's something I should cover. "Hey Mitch! Which public bathroom do you use?" Well, dear reader. I try to avoid them if I can. Or just find a unisex one. If there is no option and I really need to go, I will use the male toilets. I think of it more of a sex-related thing. It's not to try to humiliate people who don't have a set gender, it's just to not freak people out. I wouldn't dare enter the girl's toilets because it would just look strange and creepy. But who knows what the future could hold. Surgery is always an option. Just saying. I'd do it.

 


Anyway, on with family stuff. I also said in my first post that I don't like going out places as a family. My mind plays this strange simulation that I'm being judged or misunderstood by everyone else. You know, because they're not busy worrying about their own lives. They just exist to judge all other people on the planet. Right? No. Of course not. But it's still a traumatising thought that I can't get rid of. "Oh how sweet. A mother and son out and about". Go away. Don't say those things. "Yeah, but nobody said it; it's all in your imaginati-" SH-SHUT UP~! I know it's not real but my mind doesn't recognise that it is its own monster! The human mind is a messed up thing. But also genius. Has it ever occurred to you that we landed on the moon before we put wheels on our bags? Yep. Crazy humans!

I'm quite public about this whole "transgender" thing. I don't really advertise this page much, but I'm not password protecting it or anything. I do think it would be fun to just re-brand myself as 100% female and just see how many people I can get to be completely oblivious to the fact that it's not entirely true. And you, the reader, will only be one of very few that know the truth.

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